One Day, All the Days Gone so Quickly

In this moment in time I am encompased in the illusion that my life is more than a moment in time and that it will exist in all moments of time. For the days continue to pass and my illusion continues. What is time really? The bible had an interesting idea of time, but the structure of our days does not provide the extension of our years. So, if I have no control of time, then I suppose that I then, only have control over life. There are two new lives growing inside my wife, for which I am responsible for. We dreamed of them together before they were conceived and we loved them before we knew they existed. Did I dream them into life? (isn't there a song about that?) I suppose when you take into account the fact of time, I did, or rather we did, dream them into life. And just as quickly as we have dreamed of them, I live each day with both hope and a smidge of fear. I hope for their safety, I even pray for it. I am fearful of a negative event, although I have no grounds to base the fear on. But that is what time can do to you- bring you hope, fear or both. As time goes on, the days move more quickly than I even imagined. humm... so then actual time is not the factor, it is our dreams that keep us alive in all the moments of time.

15 Weeks, "2 days"

The week markers keep flying by, it seems like just yesterday we were looking at those pee sticks thinking that we were going to have try another round. We are almost half way through this part of the adventure. We recently purchased two cribs, a dresser, and a dresser changing table leading me to the realization that this is real. In 4-5 months I will have two demanding and adorable newborns. I pray that I will be a good provider and as fathers' day is approaching, I can only think about the hopes I have to be a good father to them, and to my 8 year old daughter. The babies are about 4 inches each right now, or about the size of an apple; so my wife has two apples in her u-womb right now, freaking amazing. And a little creepy...The thought of these little beans growing in here-even as I speak-is a little odd.

We've made it 14 weeks!

Today is the marker of 14 weeks, and just 4 days before Jess's and I's 1 year wedding anniversary. The last week has been pretty stressful, me trying to finish up everything for school, our 8 year old finished 2nd grade, and Jess is still tired to the bone. But still its worth every moment of it and we are counting down the days until our next opportunity to see the little mates at which time we will get to find out their genders. I've got my fingers crossed for one boy and one girl, Jess thinks two girls, and her mom thinks two boys. Either way I will be thrilled, because the more and more I think about it, these two are real gifts.
I thought that we would have a really hard time getting pregnant. And while it did take several months for us to be able to put it all together, we were blessed with it working the first time. I go back and forth about feeling at odds with being born in the wrong body, mostly because my wife had to go through so much to get pregnant. But as I begin to think about it, our story really is no different than so many other couples trying to get pregnant. And in the scheme of things, we had it pretty easy. I mean, we didn't have to do IVF, and Lord knows it would have been years before we could have afforded a cycle of that. So, then I've concluded that indeed this is the way things were suppose to go all along. This was the right timing. We went to church a few weeks back the someone sang "He's an on time God." How true.

12 and a half weeks

Well, things have been going pretty good from my standpoint. But the symptoms that my wife was so happy to have disapeared are back again! Sick and tired (literally). I'm nearing completion of my masters degree (2 more weeks and one paper) which is pretty exciting. My little ones will have a daddy with a masters degree! sweet.